Needles and I must learn to get along

It is Friday 4/26, it is Ian's 4th birthday tomorrow. My baby! Bob and I have gone back and forth on the decision to have another for awhile. But with this cancer business we have an official No. If we want more kids I would have to have my eggs harvested and go through fertility. Costly and it would delay my treatment so the answer is No. So of course now I want another bad! Something about someone telling me I can't have something :) so today I am thankful that I have had 2 sweet boys before I got this and I will continue to smother them with my affection.Happy Birthday Ian!!!!! Soooo this morning I had a PET scan and ECHO. Really uneventful! I arrived at UC Davis at 8am. I thought I was going to drink a drink, wait and hour and then get the scan. But no, I had to get ANOTHER IV. Ugh!! I hate needles so so much. Put it this way, when the dr first told me I probably have Lymphoma I said OK and called my husband. When I arrived for my CT scan and they told me I needed an IV I burst into tears( maybe I was releasing some stress, probably!). So when the PET scan guy tells me I need another IV I started to tear up. He says, "Don't worry i am really good at this" 4 pokes and some wiggling that needle around and the "expert" was done. Holy crap!! he also said, I hope i get to do your next PET scan, you'll be so used to needles by then. Maybe but i think I'll request a different tech. My arms are starting to look like I lived some ruff years on the streets! I should have my results in a couple days. This PET scan will show if the cancer has spread to any of my organs. Please pray that it hasn't. I would rather not have the bone marrow biopsy and 6-8 mos of chemo. My next appt is Tuesday 4/30 with Dr. Arora the medical oncologist. I have been feeling really good! My chest pain has eased quite a bit, maybe as my tension as gotten better. I have a very treatable cancer and my friends and family have been so supportive. I feel loved and blessed.

Big Hair Cut!

It was time! I thought about losing my hair daily, hourly even. And everyone says , you can play with wigs and maybe it will grow back better(I am praying for thick and wavy). And while these are both true, the thought of having no hair hurts my feelings! So I just wanted to get it over with and lose the length. I thought about sending my ponytail with a self addressed stamped envelope to Locks of Love but they don't work with highlighted hair, DARN! I made an appt for the next day and chop chop! I like it! It's fun! I think I will keep it this length till it gets too thin or...I might go with a pixie do..um?

Biopsy~Nothing says HOT!!! like a hosptal gown

Ok, where did I so dramatically end the last post? I just reread it and boy did I create some mystery there. Your welcome! So the CT scan showed numerous growths throughout my chest and left side of my neck. Also my spleen is enlarged, which could be in reaction to the cancer or it has spread there. So Bob and I were off to meet the surgeon. There was some discussion between two surgeons whether they should go into my chest or neck. They decided chest and told me the neck was more risky because of veins and nerves. The DR. Said the only risk of a chest biopsy was that if I started bleeding then they would have to cut open my chest plate. Ummmmm....no thanks! I thought that sounded pretty serious and asked how that could possibly be better then my neck. We reviewed my CT scans and she said she would think about it more and let my know on the morning of my surgery. Tuesday 4/16. That morning Dr. David told me that she had decided to get the tissue sample from neck, yahoo! I was so relieved. The morning was not a serious one, we had fun with nurses. Bob and my mom came with me, while my dad got the boys ready for school and dropped them off. I was out of surgery and home in about 3 hours. I picked up pain medication and went to bed. That night Bob took the kids to Awana and my friend Lori came over and kept me company. I had been freaked out by the idea of loosing my hair and thinking of how I would cut it. So Lori downloaded an app that allowed us to play with hairdos on my face. We laughed so hard I am surprised I didn't pop a stitch. How many 30ish yr old women with kids and jobs get to lay in bed and watch movies and giggle with thier best friend. It was so fun! I am so thankful for all the help I had that day. It really took a community. Thank you to Jill for picking up Ian and my dad and mom and my sweet husband. Everyone worked together and the day was a success.

the beginning

Cancer?! That's crazy!! As I write this on April 23 this feels like years ago already. In my head I have grieved and moved on. I have told my family and closest friends, watched the fear set in and hoped they could see that I really am ok. I've been spoiled rotten, shared the news, talked about it a lot!!, canceled our Disneyland trip, cut my hair off(more about that later) and now I feel like I am moving on. ha! I still have to find out the stage and start treatment. Isn't this cancer gone yet?!! Here's the back story~ It all started on Sunday March 24, I was enjoying a day at the park with my kids and our friends. I noticed some chest pain when I took a deep breath, the next morning I felt a lump in my neck. The lump felt huge, like a large egg just above my left collarbone. I called the doctor immediately and made an appointment for the next morning. On Tuesday march 26 they doc ordered a ultrasound of my neck and a chest x-ray. The great doctor told me that morning that she believed I have Lymphoma and scheduled a CT scan for the next day(Wed 3/27). At this point I knew I had Lymphoma, I could tell by the way the doctor was talking to me. Thursday 3/28 I took the kids to Wacky Tacky to play, they were on spring break. My head had been spinning for the past 2 days, I had dropped the bomb and told a few people and done a little research. I got two calls while the kids played, one from my doctor with CT scan results and one from cancer center to schedule an appt with the surgeon for the biopsy to find out what type of Lymphoma and an appt with a medical oncologist. I became overwhelmed and then took a very deep breath! I am comforted by 2 things: I have spoken with 3 people that had Hodgkins Lymphoma and they all did well through chemo and were happy and healthy today. And 2 I trust God and I embrace the plan he has for my life! I will lean on him in this journey. "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you" Isaiah 41:13 This pic is of the lump, its on the right. Hard to see but worth putting up because of Owen's photo bomb!!