I swore this wouldn't happen

Soooo overdue. I knew I wasn't going to be great at this blogging but this is ridiculous!! Sorry to everyone that has been waiting for an update. The great thing is I have great news! Two months have gone by since my last post, I blame it on my kids getting out of school. For those I haven't talked to here's a little or a lot of catch up. I left off after round 1. I had round 2 on May 23, the doc called to say that my blood count was way lower then they wanted but were going to move ahead with treatment because timing was very important, so I got my own private room with a bed and tv for the 4 hours. That was nice! That weekend my family and I drove to Truckee to see my brother and sis-in law. They had just bought their first home and I was excited to see it. I figured it didn't matter where I did all my napping and laying around. Bad idea, I was so sick again for round 2 and it's always more comfortable to be home. While a was visiting my bro I took the opportunity for him to buzz my hair. My husband didn't want to do it and I didn't want to do it myself. I was able to reach up and pluck chunks of hair out and it was everywhere when i washed it, it was grossing me out so it was time. It wasn't my favorite day but my brother made me laugh and that always helps everything. On the drive home I could feel a cold coming on and my ears hurt really bad. By Tuesday I was in the ER with a fever. They did a lot of blood test and a chest X-ray to check for pneumonia. After 10 hrs they decided it was just an ear infection and sent me home. When I had checked in they said they were most likely going to admit me, thank god they did not. It took about 10 days to start feeling better and it was hard to work that week. I had a small mental breakdown the week after round 2. I was so frustrated with how sick I felt and I didn't feel like I was handling it well. I was struggling to work and facing my fear of how I was going to continue. I made the decision to take the entire week after each Chemo off and called my friend Amy. She is a retired Esthetician that is very talented, she had offered to step in for me if I needed it. So I called her up and we set it all up. She is a gift from God, I loved that my clients could still call me to book appointments and go to the same place. No one had to miss a beat! I needed a nap, Owen had other ideas. Before round 3 I saw my oncologist to check in. We discussed my severe nausea, and doubled my meds and she told me that my chest x-ray for my hospital visit showed that the chemo was working so well that she could only see traces of cancer. That meant that i would be able to finish Chemo early!!! I was ecstatic and cried for the first time in this whole journey. I've always been more of a happy cryer :)and this news was on top with getting engaged and seeing that second pink line (both times). The day after my 3rd treatment was the Fundraiser that my dear friend Karen Thomas organized at her house. It was a fun fun night!!! My friends and husband worked there butts off to put together and execute a BBQ dinner for 70 people. A huge thank you to Dean Carter, Karen Thomas, My hubby, Dean Christensen, Jill Roberds, Lori Gabaldon, Kelli Randolph and Brenna Mckowen!! They worked all day and night in the heat and smiled the whole time. So many friends old and new and family came to show me support, it was a fun night and has rekindled some great friendships. The support has helped with medical bills and supplement my income while I took so much time off work. Thank you also to everyone that sent donations even though you didn't get to eat Bob's BBQ :) The nausea was very minimal this time, Yay! I was figuring it out and I knew now that I was almost done. I took naps and took my pills when prescribed without missing a beat. My friend Michelle sat with me during my very last round, we played cards and read magazines. Michelle makes me laugh endlessly so I had more fun then one should while being pumped with poison, thanks Michelle. At the end of that session they gave me a certificate of completion and all the nurses clapped as I left. I felt so excited!!! Round 4 was also easier with nausea. Going into round 4 my taste buds had been off. Everything,water included had been tasting like dirt, salt or blood. Hard to describe but really gross. The nurse said that most people drink crystal light to help get the water down. Funny that I had always avoided fake suger and drinks like that because I didn't want to get cancer! She told me to get over that :) so I drank fruit punch and lemonade crystal light by the gallon. It really did cover up the bad taste. Also I discovered lime mineral water, that helped to. I was able to get through the final round because I knew I was experiencing it for my last time. When I finished my nausea pills I threw the bottles away(all 6 of them)because I didn't need the refill number ever again. Such a great feeling. About 2 weeks later on July 1 I had my PET scan to confirm I was done.

grumpy but feeling the love

turns out i am not the strong optimistic type :)I am grumpy! I am tired! and for 5 days all i felt was so sick. I felt more like myself today, my nausea is mostly gone. I have had a hard time sleeping so after this I am going to bed. For all the crappy feelings i have i also am overwhelmed by the love and kindness being sent my way. It's a strange privilege to see how many people are in your corner. i don't mean to sound morbid but its almost living out your own funeral. Not quite to that extreme but really everyone I know has taken time to say or do something nice for me. I feel so special! (And glad i've been an overall good person)Thank you everyone for the emails, texts, cards, gifts,visits, meals, flowers, hugs, prayers and support. i really love all the attention :)

Chemo is so stupid

So I started Chemo today. My Sweet husband came with me so we could get all the information and not miss anything.It's funny I pictured the infusion center to be dark with a bunch of recliners all around. Music playing, maybe a fountain :) maybe I saw that on a movie. Well of course it's much more medical then that, it was bright with a lot of beeping. They sat me in a big comfy recliner and covered me with a warm blanket. Next she accessed my port, that was incredibly painful. I think because it's still bruised and tender. Finally I was pumped with fluids for 4 hours, starting with anti-nausea drugs then the chemo drugs. I kept waiting to feel something but I never did. Bob was great, he jumped up to get me juice,crackers, and help reattach my cords after i had to get up 20 times. Also he was sure to snap a very attractive picture of me loving my morning :) you may enjoy that below! I was feeling anxious and the nurse encouraged me to take the adavan I had been prescribed. I did and I took a long nap. In the pics below you can see the red fluid that they push through, that is the A drug, the one that will make my hair slip beautifully out of my pretty head :) another picture is of how the port works. They look like little butterflies with a straight pin that sticks into the box in my skin. It's pretty interesting! While i was in Owen's IEP I started to feel really strange, light headed, weak and sick to my stomach. I took 2 prescriptions and went home and fell asleep harder then i think i ever have before. I woke up sick, so so sick. i decided to try my last nausea med and i am very happy to say it worked!! SWEET RELEIF!!!I was able to sit with the family at dinner, help with dishes and read the boys there bedtime books. I am a happy mom. Thank you mom for taking kids to school, picking them up and playing with them all day. thank you Latricia for the groceries, flowers, food and cleaning up. And thank you dear husband for loving me so good in sickness and in health!

No, I wasn't in a knife fight

It's late on Wednesday, my bed time. I just wanted to post quickly about my port surgery. It was yesterday morning and it went well. My friend Jill accompanied me to my appointment. They gave me pain killers and sedatives, I drifted in and out of sleep for the hour that it took them to place it. Jill drove me home and I did my best to rest for the evening. This morning I went to Owen's school to see him recieve the citizenship award, so cute! He was so excited and proud of himself! He melts my heart with his sweet kindness! Next I went to work, I can now say that was a bad idea...ouch!i had to cancel a couple of my last appointments because I was worried about the pain I was feeling. The adjustments I have to make with work are so hard. I didn't spend years building relationships through work to turn people away so this is a tuff one for me. looks like i was in a knife fight. The port is a box under my skin right above the bottom incision. So here I am at home sitting, healing and prepping for tomorrow. First day of Chemo. After 7 weeks of testing and planning it is time to start kicking Cancer's a**. The beginning of the end, finally!

I had my oncology appointment yesterday. Good news in Cancer world! My official Diagnosis is Bulky Hodgkins Lymphoma Stage 2A. Let's get the bad news out of the way first. I still have Cancer and treatment won't be a joyride. But there is good news that makes those two things easier to digest. 1. I have Hodgkins Lymphoma which respondly quickly and successfully to chemo. 2. I am only stage 2, which means I only have 4 mo of Chemo followed by radiation(really anxious about that last part) 3.because the cancer didn't spread I do not have to do the bone marrow biopsy(I prayed hard about #3) My portacath will be placed on Tuesday 4/7. The portacath is placed under the skin, the catheter connects the port to a main vein. Starting Thursday 4/9 I will have a chemo cocktail ABVD infused into me thru the port IV every once every 2 weeks. This process takes 3-4 hours. Based off what the doctor and other lymphoma people I have talked to, I will start to feel tired starting on day 3 for a couple days. And the effects are cumulative, the tiredness and fatigue will get worse with each treatment. Also the doctor stressed to be very careful about staying away from anyone sick. My immune system will be at its weakest from day 5-10 after the infusion day. I shouldn't feel much nausea, there are so many anti-nausea remedies these days. I will have another PET scan after 2 months to see how well the chemo is working. I talked to the doctor about treating the Lymphoma naturally. She Said that natural treatments can be great for a lot of cancers. She strongly advices against it in the case of Hodgkins because it is so aggressive and this chemo is guaranteed to make it go away. The picture below is of my PET scan from last week. From the bottom up so you know what your looking at. Round circle is my bladder then kidneys then slightly to the right is my giant loving Heart and then above that all the black area below my Brain is the tumors. There is a lot of it! If you look the right of the bulky mass you can see 2 little round spots. That is 2 more starting to grow. So how do I feel about all of this? I feel calm, nervous, thankful, sad( that's for Judi:)) I take it seriously, knowing that I have to take good care of myself. I am nervous about the side effects of chemo and needing so much help with kids. I am thankful that there is a 98% chance that after this 4mo of chemo and radiation this will be gone and is unlikely to come back. I am so so thankful for all of my friends, family and clients for all the love, prayers and support that is being sent my way. I really am so blessed!i am sad that that I have cancer, I really wish I didn't. Mostly I feel strong and positive. And and incredible urge to plan out everything for the next 4 mo, yikes!

Needles and I must learn to get along

It is Friday 4/26, it is Ian's 4th birthday tomorrow. My baby! Bob and I have gone back and forth on the decision to have another for awhile. But with this cancer business we have an official No. If we want more kids I would have to have my eggs harvested and go through fertility. Costly and it would delay my treatment so the answer is No. So of course now I want another bad! Something about someone telling me I can't have something :) so today I am thankful that I have had 2 sweet boys before I got this and I will continue to smother them with my affection.Happy Birthday Ian!!!!! Soooo this morning I had a PET scan and ECHO. Really uneventful! I arrived at UC Davis at 8am. I thought I was going to drink a drink, wait and hour and then get the scan. But no, I had to get ANOTHER IV. Ugh!! I hate needles so so much. Put it this way, when the dr first told me I probably have Lymphoma I said OK and called my husband. When I arrived for my CT scan and they told me I needed an IV I burst into tears( maybe I was releasing some stress, probably!). So when the PET scan guy tells me I need another IV I started to tear up. He says, "Don't worry i am really good at this" 4 pokes and some wiggling that needle around and the "expert" was done. Holy crap!! he also said, I hope i get to do your next PET scan, you'll be so used to needles by then. Maybe but i think I'll request a different tech. My arms are starting to look like I lived some ruff years on the streets! I should have my results in a couple days. This PET scan will show if the cancer has spread to any of my organs. Please pray that it hasn't. I would rather not have the bone marrow biopsy and 6-8 mos of chemo. My next appt is Tuesday 4/30 with Dr. Arora the medical oncologist. I have been feeling really good! My chest pain has eased quite a bit, maybe as my tension as gotten better. I have a very treatable cancer and my friends and family have been so supportive. I feel loved and blessed.

Big Hair Cut!

It was time! I thought about losing my hair daily, hourly even. And everyone says , you can play with wigs and maybe it will grow back better(I am praying for thick and wavy). And while these are both true, the thought of having no hair hurts my feelings! So I just wanted to get it over with and lose the length. I thought about sending my ponytail with a self addressed stamped envelope to Locks of Love but they don't work with highlighted hair, DARN! I made an appt for the next day and chop chop! I like it! It's fun! I think I will keep it this length till it gets too thin or...I might go with a pixie do..um?